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GOLF JOKES

Just a fun assortment of golf jokes for your enjoyment.
If you have a good one that is not too risque,
please email me and I will include it if it is appropriate.

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A foursome were putting on the 7th green of the local golf course, when a funeral procession drove by.  Bill took off his hat and held it over his heart until the entire procession had passed.  The others in the group mentioned that they admired the way he honored those that have passed on.  
Bill explained, "Well, we were married for 37 years."

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for several years. One day, he spots a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." It gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years!", he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"
Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"
He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"
Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've played around?" And the man replies, "Wow! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there!"

Al got home from his Sunday round of golf later than usual and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.
"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."
"Oh, that's awful!"
"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry. . . "

The leader of the Jewish Church challenged the Pope to a round of golf to determine which religion was superior.  In meeting with the College of Cardinals one came up with the idea to call Jack Nicklaus and offer to make him a Cardinal, he could then play the Head Rabbi. He would win for sure.  So, Jack agreed and the match was set.
After the match, Jack reported to the Vatican. The Pope asked how it went, upon which Jack replied. "I played well, but still lost to Rabbi Woods."